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Spike TV’s Guy’s Choice Awards is All About the Mantlers

October 10,2015

Spike’s annual celebration of testosterone and all things manly will be broadcast on June 7, 2015, in beautiful, macho Los Angeles. It seems appropriate enough, given that this is where Jim Morrison woke up one morning and got himself a beer, which is practically the definition of macho, manly, testosteroney things to do. After that, I imagine he built himself a woman, but if he was alive right now, he’d be raking in the accolades at the Guy’s Choice for his lifetime of dedication to being a total dude.

The awards show will be held at the Sony Picture Studios, where all kinds of dreams become reality, and your can too. If you’d like to be at the Guy’s Choice show as they hand out the mantlers, or if you’d like to attend the swinging after party, VIP Concierge has a limited number of tickets to both events. However, since you’re not limited, we probably have enough for you and your crew.

There’s really no other awards show like it. Guy’s Choice flies in the face of political correctness and revels in its decidedly manly ways. The show worships hot babes in all sorts of categories such as “Hot and Funny,” “Our New Girlfriend,” “The Holy Grail of Hot,” “Hottest Zooey,” and the ever-popular “Jean-Claude Gahd Dam” award for massive, never-ending, petrifying sex appeal.

These shows don’t have a solo host. The dust off the mantlers and have many celebrities from all types of entertainment hand them out. Last year, Robert DeNiro was featured. He got to hand out the two most prestigious awards, including the “Brass Balls” mantlers to Rolling Stones’ guitarist Keith Richards, as if there was ever any doubt. Of course, if Jim Morrison had been nominated, he and Richards would have to share the award every year.

And as only Guy’s Choice can, men worship men. The categories were obviously chosen by men with nary a female on the naming awards categories committee. How else can you explain categories like “Best Fight Scene,” “Biggest Ass Kicker,” “Unstoppable Jock,” “Brass Balls,” “Funniest MF,” “Choice Baller” and “Most Manticipated” movie? But that’s Spike’s audience. You’re not going to find a Hallmark movie of the week on Spike, unless it’s about the Wild Bunch or maybe a gang of hyper-weaponized, overly trained, outlaws who rain carnage where- and whenever they can–which sounds a lot like the Wild Bunch. Too bad Sam Peckinpaw isn’t around to score his lifetime achievement award mantlers. He’d probably wear them.

So if you like the idea of hanging out with a pack of line-minded male chauvenist pigs for a few hours and then going to an after party with them, Spike’s Guy’s Choice is the awards show for you. Forget those other girly awards shows. Guy’s Choice rules, and the rules were made by men to be broken by men.