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Zoolander Tries to Stop the Killings of Beautiful People

December 12,2015

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the fashion runways again, here comes Zoolander 2. Of course, neither Derek Zoolander nor his model buddy Hansel, played by Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson respectively, could have foretold what was coming their way.

Years after their successes as untouchable supermodels, they are suddenly old and lame, or as Derek would say it, “lamé.” There’s nothing worse in the world of fashion than being called dated or tired, and the two friends realize their fame is being usurped by All, the newest, hottest gender-fluidest “biggest supermodel in the whole world,” played with deft certainty by Benedict Cumberbatch, complete with full, red lips and long, brown hair. Perhaps it was he who inspired Love and Rockets when they sang, “I don’t know what color your eyes are, baby, but your hair is long and brown.” Maybe not.

Anyway, what is for sure is that things are not going well for Zoolander. Like some sort of deadly curse, some of the most beautiful people on earth are dying. Justin Bieber is attacked by a pack of deadly-looking goons. The strangest thing of all is that all of these pretty people, like Demi Lovato, Usher, Miley Cyrus and more died wearing Derek’s signature expression, Blue Steel. That’s why Penelope Cruz, sporting a red jumpsuit and riding a motorcycle, called on Derek and Hansel to help her and Interpol discover just what the heck is going on.

As she explains, “Someone’s trying to kill the world’s most beautiful people,” Only one man can solve the mystery–Derek Zoolander, as improbably as that seems. He’s forced to re-infiltrate the world of high fashion. Small wonder that this mess has the dirty finger smudges of Will Farrell’s evil mastermind Mugatu all over it.

What’s going to happen? How can a simple-minded, but beautiful, if aging Derek Zoolander, help Interpol unveil the evil force behind the death of so many beloved, lovely celebrities? Well, if you want to find out, you could be a tired old thing and wait for the general release to theaters on February 12, 2016–or you could jump up and buy yourself and your favorite supermodel, fluid or not, some tickets to the world premiere in the city so great they named it twice, New York, New York on February 8. VIP concierge is standing by with tickets so you can be assured of catching all the beautiful action and the incredible posing of Zoolander 2, as well as its afterparty. You can rest easy knowing the outcome days ahead of the rest of the world.

You owe it to all the beautiful people on the planet. Get yourself some tickets to the world premiere of Zoolander. Break out some lamé and be someBODY!! New York is the height of fashion, and Zoolander is the height of comedy. Somehow, you have to be there. We have the answer, right here.